May and June were very emotional months for me. Emotional not just sad, but in also bipolar. I’ve been feeling a little off, a little lost, a little unlike my usual self; moments where even simple stuff like eating, showering, getting out of bed, reading, and thinking felt hard to do. Can anyone else relate, I can’t be the only one, if you’re reading this and you feel the same I understand better than anybody what it’s like to feel uneven or confused. But even through what I’m feeling I haven’t lost what I stand for, one thing has stayed that same, I care. deeply. maybe too deeply.

I care about the people around me, even when I’m struggling to show up for myself. I care about my people. I care about all people who may not agree with my existence. I care about this country, even when it feels like it doesn’t care about people like me. I care about justice, about truth, about the future we all deserve. and caring doesn’t always look like showing up perfectly. sometimes it looks like believing in goodness while sitting in your own mess. sometimes it looks like reading the news with tears in your eyes and refusing to give in to apathy. sometimes it looks like writing a post like this and being honest when it would be easier to stay quiet. I haven’t give up though. I won’t

To anyone whose felt mistreated, misunderstood, misinterpreted, or neglected by me I want to apologize. Not to make excuses for myself but summers are never great for me, worst season for a reason, heat just makes me angrier, sadder, and more anxious at once. but my normal self with return soon, i’m working on growing to know myself a little better. i’m also working on getting into therapy and doing these post a lot more to help regulate my emotions a little better (before i crash out).

i’ve been doing a lot of reflecting lately actually. sitting with myself in uncomfortable truths, letting go of the pressure to always be “on” or “okay.” learning that healing doesn’t look like perfection. it looks like rest. it looks like forgiving yourself for needing time. it looks like asking for help rather than suffering in silence. it looks like however you interpret a healthy relationship with yourself.

This season has taught me more that taking care of yourself isn’t selfish it’s necessary. and you can care about others and still honor your own needs. it doesn’t have to be one or the other.

if nothing else, let this post be a reminder to check in; with your people, and with yourself. Mental health is real, and sometimes the strongest ones are silently going through it, a quick “how are you, realy?” can mean the world. and don’t forget to ask yourself the same question too. You matter just as much as the people you love.

So here’s where i’m at right now: growing, slowing but surely. As a black queer person. As an author. As a writer. As a partner. As a friend. As a student. As a lover. As a brother. As a empath. As a human. grieving parts of me that no longer fit. giving myself grace, and still holding space for the world around me.

If you’re going through it too; just know I see you. You’re not alone. and even if you don’t have it all figured out, you’re still worthy of peace, love, and soft days.

talk soon!